How Britta Britta'd Hating Annie
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Sometimes it's easy for Britta to hate Annie, given Annie's rising standing in Greendale while Britta keeps being the worst. But as it turns out, Britta can't even get hating Annie right. Britta/Annie friendship; eventual Jeff/Annie; two bonus chapters.
1. How Britta Britta'd Hating Annie

**Britta's POV**

Sometimes I really hate Annie.

Yeah, I can hear all of you groaning even from here. I hear groaning so much these days that I've got a groan sense or something.

Okay, that last groan was unfair. At least wait a few minutes until the next one, okay?

Let's get back to the reasons for that first groan. I know the sentiment behind it, and it says "How could anyone hate Annie?" Well, if you hadn't groaned so quickly, I could clarify it. So now that your minds are pre-blown enough for me to start blowing some more, I can go on.

Now then, I don't actually hate Annie. But there are times I really wish I did. And I told you to wait a few minutes before groaning, so you have to hear me out. But you'd rather ignore me and call me the worst again, and that kinda speaks to the problem.

I know I'm supposed to be the worst and a screw up and a buzz kill and the most annoying member of the group. But if I wasn't there, Annie would be the champion on all those things, or at least she should be. Even if I wasn't there, though, she'd probably get a free pass because she's….Annie.

Okay, now I'm cooking with righteous fire, so stay with me and try not to get burned up.

Why am I belittled and mocked for caring about actual important things? Especially while Annie gets a free pass for freaking out even worse about school , grades, and other things that mean nothing compared to real problems? Why am I the buzz kill when she's an even bigger nag than me when it comes to projects and morals and other no fun things? Why am I the screw up when I never almost got us held back for an entire year, kept us all locked up for a day over a pen, went insane over a Model U.N., or helped sabotage a shuttle simulator that we got trapped in? At least I can handle drugs that should be much more legal than Adderall!

Fine, groan away, I'll give you that one for listening this long. Now let's get back to business.

The answers to all those other questions are extremely unfair. Annie gets a pass for all of it because she's young, doesn't know anything in the real world, and was pretty much made up by sexist Disney animators. I mean, have you really seen…..nope, I'll save that one for later. In any case, my original point still stands.

How is it fair that I'm the hated one in the group the more times I mess up, yet she just gets more popular and adorable and sexy to everyone at the same time? It wasn't like that before…..when this group got started, I was the leading female-American and I was the "heart of the group" according to Jeff. She was just the supporting female-American who pined away for Troy and was too buttoned up to do much of anything. Now here she is wearing anti-feminist paintball "clothes" and Santa suits, throwing herself at Jeff and getting to loosen up with Troy and Abed, and it's like I don't exist anymore!

Last time I checked, this group wouldn't exist if Jeff wanted to get into my pants first, in case anyone can still remember! Nope, let's all pat Annie on the head because she's just so cute and lovable, even though she's really no wiser or less naïve than she was two years ago. I mean, you'd think by now she'd learn a few more things and figure out how she's betraying her gender by pandering to boob-obsessed Neanderthals, wouldn't you? Meanwhile, I keep fighting the good fight for female kind and I barely get token last minute credit for my bravery anymore. Heck, I was the last one to get hit by the Glee spell and it was my kick-ass singing that exposed Mr. Rad's killing spree!

But I suppose as long as Annie's parading around in almost nothing anymore, batting the Disney eyes and setting feminism back a few more decades, what does the former heart of the group turned worst human alive matter anymore?

Okay, now who's running away like all those other anti-progressive male-

Wait. Those sounds didn't come from the audience in my head.

Geez, have I been sitting outside the study room and setting the record straight in my brain that long?

Apparently it's long enough for the girl of the hour herself to run back in the room. And judging by those sniffles, another Annie crying spree is right on tap.

Well, might as well see what set her off and will make everyone actually rally around her now.

She probably won't open up if I have that kind of tone, so I'll have to dial it down a little bit out loud. "Annie? What's the matter?" I ask when I get inside the study room. A little high pitched, but otherwise I nailed it.

"Britta! Um, uh, it's nothing, really. Just, uh, can't get an essay right….you know me when I can't work out an essay!" Yes I do, and usually she's carrying around her essay paper and trying to straighten it out after crumbling it up. But all she has is her backpack, and she wouldn't think to hide it there if she was that upset over it….point Britta!

Her eyes are watery, but only a few tears have fallen down so far. I don't even need my half-semester of Psych majoring to recognize that look – not that it wouldn't have made me get it eventually. But studying Annie for over two years – and not in the way that Pierce would suggest – gives me the insight I need.

"Jeff either kissed you, got jealous again or did something to dismiss your feelings for him, didn't he?" The typical Annie gasp after that told me all I needed to know. Typical clockwork Jeff and Annie drama right on cue.

Now keep in mind, I just got done badmouthing Annie for having everything I don't. So you just remember that before you get all Shirley judgy-bee on me!

But I kinda sorta laughed a little bit after figuring it out. Let me finish, bees!

And don't you use your male-centric garbage about how this is all about Jeff and Annie being bigger than Jeff and Britta. That ended months ago and I am all the better for it! What made me laugh is that this is the one thing I still have that I'm undeniably better than her in. Sure, Jeff and Annie have all the actual romance moments, and now they've gone longer with the "will they/won't they" drama. But I'm the only one of us that's actually gotten further than first base with him.

And thanks to Jeff being an in-denial jerk, I'm the only one in the group he doesn't feel guilty and ashamed about making out with. And now that he screwed up again, it's even less likely that she'll beat me out in this too – the one thing she really really wanted to do better than me in.

So that warranted a little three-second chuckle or two, right?

"Britta? What the hell?" Naturally Annie didn't see it that way. But at least I had a good excuse ready, so cut me that much.

"I'm sorry, Annie, but can you really be surprised by now? We both know you're going to get over this, reach out to him again and get dismissed again later! Might as well laugh at it now, right?"

"Don't you think I know that? Do you really think I'm that much of a child to not know that by now, just like Jeff thinks? God, you know what, you really are the-" But she stops before saying the "w" word, as if that's going to do any good now.

"Go on. You were going to say something that starts with a w, right?" I press on, not willing to let her get out of this one.

"I wasn't…..okay, I was, but I didn't mean it! I'm sorry, you just got me mad….but I wasn't going to mean it! I don't think you're that….w word at all!" Oh, so now she's flat out lying on purpose, that's new. Trying new tactics won't fool me, though.

"It's a little late for me to buy that. It's a little late for any of you to try that, really. I'm the worst and you're poor little Annie who's too young and hot and blissfully ignorant to be the worst instead of Britta! That's been the story for about a year-and-a-half now, might as well renew it for all of Season 2!" Okay, I slipped into Abed mode there. Sue me, I'm making a righteous stand here!

"Britta, I don't, I…..oh, I guess that's what I get. My own fault for not speaking up faster…just had to get that screwed up today too!" What new battle plan is this is supposed to be? Oh wait…..kind of said that out loud. Okay then….the rest of the group isn't here to jump on me and keep Annie on her pedestal, so it's still teetering.

"It's not a battle plan, it's the truth! I know you're not the worst, and I really do hate it when they call you that! In fact….almost every time they groan at you or mock you or dismiss you, I really do want to stick up for you and let you talk."

"_Almost _every time?" I ask, poking the first hole into her web of lies.

"Yeah….I mean, come on, you gotta meet us halfway on some of these things," Annie said as her web got even less tangled. As if injustices could be met halfway; lucky for Annie that line bombed for me when Occupy Greendale went…..unspeakably wrong. I probably can't even say it in my head without the lawyers' permission.

"But that's besides the point, Britta. The point is I've never thought you were the worst, and I shouldn't have tried to say it in anger back there. But it figures I'm too much of a coward to finish saying it, just like I've been a coward in not sticking up for you. I'm not brave like you, you know."

Well, now she's really being shameless in her false flattery; even though brave is a better word choice, at least. "What's that supposed to mean?" I ask to keep playing along.

"You fight for all these things no one else cares about, and even though they tell you that over and over, you just keep going. You don't let what other people think of you get you down. You just pick up yourself up and keep fighting for the things you love and want to make better. If I had the guts to be like that, I would go against popular opinion and defend you, like you defend everything else no one cares about but you. But I'm not like you, and they should be ashamed that they aren't too!"

Okay, she was getting better at this the more she went on. Luckily she still left a few loose ends for me to pull apart. "And what makes you the one that knows that when they don't?" I nitpicked.

"Because I know what it's like not to be taken seriously. You get called a buzz kill and the worst for it, I just get called naïve and a child. I'm not cool enough to just let it me roll off me and not get emotional about it, and you are. You don't need the validation of other people to know you're special and doing the right thing, I know that. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have it at all….and I'm sorry I haven't said that to people other than you. And I really have no excuse to give into peer pressure when there's no one else here, so I'm sorry again for that too."

Okay…..well, she is the smartest, according to I.Q. tests that are biased for….some reason or other. So she can use that to put a speech together to flatter me and get out of taking responsibility. That's no big thing….nothing at all.

"Well, sorry isn't good enough, actions speak louder. Especially when you do know better and don't do it anyway. That's still something a kid does, and you just admitted you do it with Jeff too." I slammed her right back to take back the lead.

"And that's another reason I'm not like you. You can stop being involved with Jeff and still be friends with him. You can accept that he can't change or be with you, and you can still care about him for who he is. I'm not that smart, because I still see things that either aren't there or he isn't willing to admit! Either way, you wised up to it months ago and I still haven't, and I guess I never will."

"Well….he has tricked you more than he ever did with me." Whoh, where did that come from? "He did stuff like drunk dialing me, starting study groups and hooking up in paintball two years ago, but that's about it. He still does things to help you and bond with you and other things he'd never do for anyone else. For someone who hates making an effort at anything, you're always an exception for him….I was just an exception for a little while." Now where did _that _come from?

"See, this is why I didn't want to say anything about this to you. I don't want you to be jealous of….whatever Jeff and I have or don't have, and you don't have to be. You two have more…..physically than he'll ever let himself have with me," Annie conceded. But that concession doesn't excuse how she bought in that sexist propaganda.

"Ugh, now you're buying into that crap too? A female can be jealous of another female for reasons other than men, you know! Jeff has nothing to do with it….but at least he's the one thing I had that you don't! All you've got are the boobs, the age, the figure, the eyes, the admirers, Jeff's effort, people forgiving you for being a buzz kill, and more fans year after year! I get less and less of that and Jeff has nothing to do with it, so tell your anti-Britta fans that sometime!"

Maybe I gave away all my cards a bit too soon. At least that built me back up just when her Annie black magic – I mean colored magic – I mean neutral magic! Yeah, before that got to me too badly.

"You're jealous of me?" And that what's she dreamed out of that anyway…..figures. "But that makes no sense. There's no reason at all to be jealous of me." So it's back to childish denial, then. "I'm the real screw up of the group, I put them through far more trouble and misadventures than you! You've never done a lot of the things I've done to look stupid and put the others in danger! Please don't envy that, you're too good and better to wish you were someone like me!"

That brought another trademark Annie gasp; but it didn't seem as offended or shocked as usual. "Oh God….I just sounded like Jeff, didn't I?" No, it takes years of intense douchebag studies for that, but I somehow kept that to myself. "But, but he's not as right as I am….he thinks I'm too good for him and that's not true! We're both fakes in a way….sure, I act extra smart and nice, but if I wasn't those things, I'd just be the ex-Annie Adderall that's one lost pen short of being in an institution! Sometimes I feel like I just study hard and do good deeds only so people won't think I'm crazy or a child; or to make sure I'm not alone anymore. That's not really being a good person…not like you."

I'll admit, she got me off guard a little on that one. "Well, at least they don't say that to your face. Not like when people tell me I fight for things just for my own ego. Or that I only care about looking progressive to other people….I mean, you saw that with the Valentine's Day lesbian thing."

"Yeah, but they weren't that right!" Annie insisted….whether because she was screwing with me or being naïve, I couldn't tell right now. "Well, uh…..maybe some of it had a point somewhere. And…..maybe it applies to a few other things when you think a little tiny more…." Okay, now where was _that _coming from?

I started to feel like I should stop asking that question before I figured out the answer.

"Britta, those little mistakes don't cancel out the other stuff," Annie kept going on. And somehow, her continuing to defend me set me off again. "See, maybe that's why people don't take you seriously! You let them off the hook too easily! You do it with Jeff all the time, and now you're doing it with me!"

"It would be so much easier if I did do that all the time! There are times I don't worship Jeff, and there are times I don't like you either! The two of you make it hard for me not to be mad at you sometimes! But I'd rather try to live by your good example than hate you when you're not at your best! I don't like you every minute, but I don't hate you either! Not like you seem to hate me!"

"I don't hate you…..certainly not every minute! Not at all!" This was getting away from me way too much now, but I wasn't caring as much anymore.

"Then why are we yelling at each other?" Annie drove home.

"I don't know! You're not the Britta around here, you tell me!" I shot back in a last ditch effort before pretty much throwing in the towel. "God, it would be so much easier if I did hate you…..why can't I do that? Why do I have to screw that up too?" Part of me was already saying it was because she was like me, actually appreciated me and was fighting to better herself as much as I was. So the rest of you can lay off now.

"Because you are a good person. There was no one here to impress or be judged by, and you still admitted you don't hate me. It wasn't because it looked good or made you look cool, but because you do care about me no matter how much I annoy you….I hope. And it's the same for Jeff, Troy, Pierce, Shirley and Abed too….I hope too. You hate things about me and you still look past them to like the rest of me, and Jeff and the others. I guess that's why I do that with Jeff, even when he makes me hate him sometimes."

Okay, she is good. She is really good. Calling me good doesn't hurt either…..oh God, but that's the whole problem, isn't it? Now I'm softening on her just because she's building up my ego so much….and like she said, that's not being a truly good person at all. But that doesn't mean I'm being fake when I try to do the right thing, regardless of what everyone else says….and maybe I'm not the only one.

"Maybe we're both not all that good or all that messed up. Or maybe it's not that important, as long as we keep trying and learning. Maybe that means we'll get it right someday when it really counts," I tried to rationalize, and then I just kept going.

"And who's to say you haven't got it kind of right already? I talk a good game to make people and things better, and you actually get them to do it better than me….some of the time. I mean, I tried to make Jeff less….Jeff for the whole first year, and you still did much more even back then! You're the main reason Jeff's more human now, and that's a real honest to God gift! Not fictional like God Herself!" Yes, I know that wasn't the right time for that – even I get the gist right away occasionally.

"I guess…..I mean, that did take a lot of work. There's still so much denial he has to work through even now, but he's been like that for a long time. Two-and-a-half years isn't enough to get through it all….I should be more understanding of that. But I shouldn't let him off the hook for denying too hard at me," Annie swore.

"God, I can't believe I'm saying this…..but what difference does it make now? So here I go, offering to talk to him for you and make him lay off," I improbably offered.

"No, I couldn't make you do that...not because I think you're jealous or anything! I mean, then he'll know I talked to you and it'll make me look more like a kid to him," Annie pointed out.

"Okay, that's true. But Jeff always looks like crap trying not to look like crap for disappointing you. It'll be obvious to everyone tomorrow, and I can call him out for it then and not rat you out," I revised.

"Well, maybe he'll already have one of his apologies ready by then. Then we'll sweep it under the rug, pretend nothing happened and wait for it all to start again anyway," Annie conceded. See, that kind of self-pity should have made me accuse her of being a whiny example to women everywhere. Being dependent on a man like Jeff, and a man period, should have been enough to make me lay into her.

Then she hit me with, "But I really shouldn't let it affect me that much. I've got a year-and-a-half left to go here, and I can't waste that pining for him every day. He still has time to figure himself out, and so do I. If it pays off in the end, I can wait until then…..but if not, I just need to keep a proper perspective. Maybe one of these days I'll actually do it too."

Dammit, now it's official. I have Britta'd hating Annie.

It's so bad now that I'm starting to believe she didn't just manipulate me into helping her out more. Or that she was and didn't realize it. It really isn't fair that Annie has this power either way…..but I can't do anything about it. Otherwise….I'd be turning my back on maybe the only person here I can actually relate to. And maybe the best person who really understands me. That's not being good for the wrong reasons, is it?

But then again, there are no good reasons for turning a back on a friend. Or a fellow woman. And….although I'm not supposed to care, I've never really had a lot of female friends, in spite of how much I fight for our gender. Shirley and I are too different to be really close female friends, and not just because she's the delusional one of our pairing. Damnit, not the time, Britta, not the time…..

Anyway, I haven't had a female friend like Annie before. Although I thought that was a bad thing just 15 minutes ago….maybe there's a better way to look at it. Maybe if I can stop being a jealous Britta, I can see what a good thing it might be.

"Listen Annie, if you can't straighten Jeff out yourself, or if he doesn't beat himself up over you worse than usual….I'm right here for you. Maybe you don't need my advice that much, but maybe you can count on someone and still stay independent anyway. I might even have a few Jeff tips to help you out that could work. Heck, sleeping with Jeff in secret for a year had to teach me something, right?"

Ladies and gentlemen, there's our Britta of the day. The week, month and maybe year if possible. "Crap….Annie, I'm sorry to bring that up again! That's so stupid and Britta of me!"

"It's okay, Britta. Maybe not entirely okay, but that's okay. I know you're trying to help me and be there for me, and that's all that matters to me. And I promise I'll help the others see it should matter more to them too." She smiled at me, and somehow Jeff didn't look so lame whenever that smile lifted him up too. But it didn't work on me the way it does on him, to remind all the Pierces out there.

"You know, maybe they don't need me to nag too much….I mean, they stood up for you when Mr. Rad called you the worst. They ridicule you a lot, but I think deep down they still care about you as much as they always have. I guess that probably makes me naïve too, though."

"No….there are worse things. And being naïve isn't always bad….not when you can make people care about you anyway. Then they can teach you a few things so you can turn out as well as you deserve. And maybe they'll learn a few extra things themselves too."

Okay, I was vomiting in my head by then too. Cornball speeches like that are better for denouncing tyranny, or male power, or how homophobic it is to deny that football is totally gaybones. But damnit, you just don't remember those things in front of Annie. This is how Jeff must feel all the time….it really isn't as funny as I thought it was. Maybe I do need to talk to him about it and set him straight a bit.

Regardless, I still stand by what I said about Annie earlier. She shouldn't be put on a higher pedestal than me or any other female here. There is no reason to be easier on her than they are on me; especially if she really wants to be a grown up. I was the most important and most respected female in the group once, and they shouldn't keep forgetting that while they worship Annie. And no matter what my reasons are or how unpopular it makes me, I've still done much more for female kind than Annie ever had.

But that doesn't mean Annie can't learn. It doesn't mean she can't improve herself; on top of all the improvements she's done on her own. I'm not ready to get back on the Annie train without reservations, yet it's not like she asked for all of those things I bad mouthed. She can be criticized for not buttoned up as much as she used to, but she has plausible deniability for the rest.

And I'm not excusing her just because she's the only one left who looks up to me; or is at least willing to admit it in private and maybe in public soon. And I'm not doing it just to prove I'm as good as I keep saying I am.

A bad person dumps friends for being flawed and annoying at their worst. A good person accepts their flaws, encourages them through it all and is willing to learn how to fight for them. The person who's my best friend 50 percent of the time helped showed me that.

It should go up to about 55 percent once I finish spending the rest of the afternoon with her. Maybe I can push to the 60's, or at least make it look like it, when I rip Jeff a new one on her behalf tonight.

Sometimes I do really hate Annie…..or feel jealous, if you want to be that nitpicky. But then there are those other times that help me stop Britta'ing it that badly.

Okay, I think you've suffered long enough. Go on, I have girl time – um, female American time, to spend my inner thoughts on now.


	2. The Annie Virus

**Britta's POV**

Oh, hello again….imaginary people in my head observing me. Probably with a super illegal warrant too….of course they have those even in imaginary places. I swear to fake God, the Man can't even be satisfied with turning real places into…..wait, where did I start off at?

Oh, right! The imaginary CIA foot soldiers in training were here just in time to see me yell at Jeff. Well, at least I can give you guys a show before I call for your arrest.

Anyway, as you probably know from your past wiretaps, I was busy being bitter at Annie before talking with her changed my mind. Now here I am ready to tear Jeff a new one for toying with her heart once again. My Annie buzz is starting to wear off, and I'm starting to wonder why I'm getting involved in this nonsense between my friend/rival and….former sleeping buddy. But as long as I can make my former sleeping buddy squirm, I can put off coming to my senses a while longer.

Once I get to my buddy's apartment door and start knocking, I strangely start to wonder if I forgot something. But I forget again after seeing Jeff open the door, since now I can start tearing into him. I put on my best Jeff-inspired scowl and get my opening remarks ready to go – and then Jeff ruins it in his Jeff way by saying "Great, she told you."

Oh crap, there it is. I was supposed to confront Jeff tomorrow and wait for his Annie guilt to make him snap. But now he knows Annie talked to me, and he probably thinks she's even more of a crying child for crying to me, just like she feared he would. Way to Britta this before it started….but then again, if Annie didn't work her Disney spell on me, I might have remembered better, so I get to say she partly Annie'd it too! Ha, perfect save!

Wait, I'm supposed to be bashing Jeff on Annie's behalf. So maybe bashing her should wait until I cut Jeff to pieces first. "Um…..if you're quietly staring into space to freak me out and make me incriminate myself, I should tell you that only works 40 percent of the time in court." Damnit! All right, no more inner monologues to illegal imaginary brain spies!

"That's a low number compared to how you jerk Annie around 100 percent of the time." Bam! And to think I improved that! Save an illegal recording of that line for me, fellas!

"Look, if you're just here to repeat everything I've told myself today, there's no point in you being here." Okay….I clearly had the better opening line, so point still goes to me. "Wait, why are you here anyway, Britta? My jerking isn't much of your concern anymore, and I thought you were immune from Annie's begging and eye batting."

"Ha, shows what you know! She didn't even tell me exactly what you did, and she was too busy saying she idolized me to trick me, so there!" Wait a second, that came out slightly different from how I planned it.

"Oh God, she went _that _far to mess me up?" Okay, I don't care how Jeff meant to plan that insult. "What's that supposed to mean? She'd have to be crazy to look up to 'the worst' just like she's crazy to like you? Okay, she is kind of cuckoo on that last part, but the first one's not so crazypants! And for the record, I was really hating her before she talked to me, so suck on that before you think she could trick me!"

Yes, win No. 2 for Britta! Or maybe not, since Jeff isn't crumbling to defeat like I hoped. In fact, he's starting to look pretty mad….and not in the usual mad way he is when I verbally kick his ass.

"You were hating on Annie?" Uh oh, it's the protective Annie rage….this might have backfired. "First I make her upset and _then _you tell her you hate her? So what, now you're trying to turn her against me and make her cry more to do it? Tell me exactly what you said to make her cry, Britta!"

"Whoh, whoh, you're the one who makes her cry, not me! And I didn't say I hated her, I was just upset with her over how we're….unequally treated in the group. She just talked me down and made me feel better about myself and her, even while she was upset with you!" All right, talking about Annie's powers made him calm down a little. Now if he can just get back to normal, I can make him mad in the fun way again. "You're sure you didn't make her cry one extra tear?"

"Yes, God, I swear! I just got frustrated at her, then her nice words and her Annie view of the world got me off the ledge, okay? And you know what….you're hardly one to judge. You were bashing her yourself until you thought I made her cry, then you became her hero again! The same thing happened to me that happens to you almost every day with her!"

"No, that's different…at least I….ugh, that evil little minx!" Jeff rambled. "Even when she's not here, she….and she even got _you_ into it? She keeps stealing men you slept with, and you came here to defend her? I knew she was all powerful, but…..really?"

"Well….like I said, you're one to talk!" I defended, hoping to keep it short so I could get back on track and destroy him as planned.

"I know I'm too far gone, but you…..I mean, she really said she looked up to you? That would mean she looks up to both of us, and it already makes no sense that she does it with me! How can she be that naïve and still be alive?"

"Hey, she doesn't worship you as much as you think!" Wait a minute, I'm supposed to be tearing Jeff alive, not still defending Annie! Well…I'll just make this quick argument and get back to business. "She told me there are times she hates both of us, and she knows she has every reason to! She just chooses to look up to our good parts and accept the other stuff….which does make more sense with me, but still!"

"Please, if she accepted that other stuff, she wouldn't be surprised that I'm still a jackass! Or keep being disappointed with those naïve, sickening….teary eyed, brain piercing looks of hers. Like she really thought things can be different and…..believed in me enough to say anything different…..or believed I could really make her happy like that. That kind of glorious sight isn't supposed to be reserved for the likes of me."

Ha, caught him in another embarrassing gaffe, time to lower the boom! "Actually….she did say that she was more willing to give you time." What the hell was that, Britta? "She said since we have a year-and-a-half left, she'd like to let you figure yourself out without so much nagging….and if the end is worth it, she can wait. I don't know if she'll actually let you do that, but it sounded like she wants to try and make it easier for you." I repeat that last question, Britta!

"Easier for me? I hurt her yet again and she wants to make it easy for me? Who does that? What living person is that….illogically considerate?" Jeff keeps going and incriminating himself, and I'm still not doing a thing to drop the hammer on him! Come on Annie, lay off…..as if you can hear me!

"I don't think she's doing it for you. I think she's trying to be more mature and grown up in handling you, even if it doesn't mean….she gets to handle you. I mean, you think she's not mature and grown up enough for you, so isn't this a good thing?"

"But she is mature….when she wants to be. I mean, she's the most mature, kickass grown up there is when she's not being a child….or not wasting that maturity on me." God, he's making this too easy for me…or he would be if this Annie virus wasn't shutting down my snark. "Hey, wait a minute. I've been saying all this mushy stuff for the last few minutes, and you haven't mocked me at all. You've just been defending Annie instead of pointing out how lame she's made me!"

"Oh great, when you say it out loud it makes me sound lame too! Thank you so much, lame….balls!" That's all I've been reduced to? Thank you so much, lame….Annie virus balls! But at least you broke him down too….even though you made me too distracted to enjoy it.

"What the hell has she done to us, Perry?" Jeff asks as we sit down on the couch and start trying to be cool again. "You think I'd be here if I knew, Winger?" I shoot back as my snark tries to break through this sincerity barrier. "You're right, I have no reason to stick up for her. She keeps taking men I used to like, including you. She's younger and hotter and no one holds her screw ups against her like they do with me. That's why I was ready to rail on her….until she said she was as jealous of me as I am of her."

"Ah ha, there you go. She uses our own ego against us, that's her power," Jeff concluded. "It's high enough when we're really awesome, then she pumps it up more when we do things that aren't awesome….like helping people and putting in an effort for them. She's delusional enough to see things that aren't there, and she makes it infect us too. It's a fricking Annie virus we're dealing with!" Hey now, I trademarked that in my head first, you all heard it!

"So how is it our fault that we push her away before she infects us more? We're just self preservating ourselves here, it's what we've always done!" Jeff argues, and since he didn't rip off my thoughts this time, I'll let him have this one.

"Hey, I'm not arguing with you, preservating rules! It's not our fault we finally met someone who makes you feel bad about it! Bound to happen eventually….you'd think we'd be better at handling it, though," I point out.

"Yeah, but who can handle that, really?" Jeff reminds me. "I mean, she went from your mortal enemy to best friend in an afternoon, and she's not even that fast with me! If she was actually aware of her power, she'd be ruling the world by now!"

"What's the difference, she'll run it in about 20-30 years anyway!" I remind him. "What, she'll be the third or fourth female President by then? I suppose she'd carry the torch and keep advancing women kind….of course, as long as she doesn't make America into a concentration camp like certain people want. You know who I mean, I'm talking about-"

"Please Britta, I can't give your dumb conspiracies the mocking they deserve right now! Let's just assume I did for now, and I'll save the good stuff for tomorrow's rant, okay?" Jeez, dig yourself deeper and keep denying the truth about concentration camp conspiracies, why don't you? Of course he would, just like everyone else….everyone except….

"You know what? Go ahead and save the good stuff for tomorrow, because Annie will have my back! And not just because she's mad at you! She told me she admires me for speaking up for my causes, and she wishes she stuck up for me more often! But now she's going to have my back in public….or at least keep feeling really sorry for not doing it!"

"Come on….she couldn't have said that to you. If she did, she was probably feeling guilty or lying or something," Jeff poorly tried to deny.

"You really think Annie's that good of a liar? She didn't even stutter or twitch her eyes or pull her hair or anything! So you do the come on'ing, okay?" I gloat in triumph.

"She…she didn't even pull her hair?" Jeff trails off, knowing I got him. Or rather, Annie got him by telling the truth about liking me and my causes. And by pointing out that I didn't see any of her tells, it hits me that she really was telling the truth…..and really does admire me and wants me to keep speaking out. That's….not a familiar feeling.

"She really does look up to me. Or at least she isn't annoyed enough to stop liking me….in fact, she accepts me for being annoying." I find myself saying out loud. And even after I realize that, I just keep going. "You know, she's been accepting me for over two years now….I don't know any other women who've done that. Shirley still doesn't really accept me, but what do you expect with how she's been-" No, no….save the Jesus brainwashing for tomorrow, when Annie has a 50/50 shot of having your back. Then again, maybe testing her on a Jesus rant is too much for a first day….okay, then I'll push it back to next week. But I'd better get this out of the way first.

"Where was I? Oh, Annie being my first long-term female friend...yeah, that. I know it's probably just because she still talks to me after two years, unlike the others. But then again….do I only like her because she can stand me, or because I really do care about her? And the funny thing is she asked that about herself….like she thinks sometimes she's only smart and sweet so she won't be alone or crazy, not because she's really unselfish."

"All right, one of you had to make _that_ up, at least!" Jeff argued, but after a few seconds he gave up trying to find one of my tells. "I mean, you know that makes no sense at all, right?"

"Maybe it does. You know she can be pretty selfish, and she does usually know what she's doing when she manipulates us. It's actually remarkable that she isn't more selfish and dark, with all she's been through! The pills, the rehab, getting cut off for going to rehab….we got smart enough to be cynical about the world on our own, but we didn't get screwed over like she did! Of course she's as selfish and greedy and self-serving as us….she just chooses not to be most of the time."

"She does do that a lot," Jeff picks up where I left off. "Sometime I forget she knows the world isn't sunshine and rainbows, as much as she makes it look like she doesn't. She knows it and chooses to focus on the good stuff anyway-"

"Like she does with you and me," I pick up where he left off. Okay, maybe it's more like I interrupted him, I don't have time to argue right now. "No matter how much we make her mad or don't live up to her high hopes, she chooses to like us anyway! Pretty much everyone else we ever met can't do that, or can't do it as long as Annie has! I mean, the rest of the group does it too, but it's….different with her."

"A lot of things are," Jeff jumps in. But I've still got a few monologues left, so I jump back in before he starts Winger-ing again.

"I actually understand that, because I can't stand her a bunch of times too! But I still like her too, because as much as I can't believe it or want to accept it…..she is like me. And I don't want her to be….I mean, I'm awesome and I've learned to live with the way I am, but she shouldn't have to and she deserves better! And I even want to actually….do things to help her feel better and be better when I do really like her! Not because I still think I'm her Greendale mom, but because she's my friend….and if I wasn't the way I was, I'd feel more comfortable with her being my best friend."

"So she's young and she relapses into being crazy sometimes, and she really isn't a saint or Little Miss Perfect….that actually makes her cooler. It makes me want to help her smooth out the rough parts and get everything she wants and deserves….and even trust her not to get tainted by me in the process. If her past didn't taint her or stop her from being a really good person, what the hell could I do? If I wasn't….the way I am, I'd be more comfortable admitting I care about someone like that….I mean, sometimes. I mean, if it didn't make me less cool and progressive and everything."

"But it's….too exhausting to remember that sometimes. It's just exhausting and….barely worth the effort. I mean, it is worth it…." I'm guessing Jeff meant to finish that sentence, but he slipped back into Annie world before then. Now that I just got myself out of it, I think I'll let him take up space for a while. But he has no more speeches….he's just thinking and thinking, and he's even starting to smile that special smile for her.

"She made herself accept the dark stuff and fight it off to be….her. She made herself accept us and like us….she even made herself like you for your buzz kill stuff! So….could she really make herself be with…..and not really be hurt by….I mean, if I….and if she really….I mean, if she got to you, she can make them not care about our…." Mercifully, he stopped saying incomplete sentences after a while and went back to thinking. But even though he's not talking, the look on his face is telling me enough…..it's telling me he's actually giving in.

See, here's another example of a good time to hate Annie. She already got more of Jeff's heart than I did….leaving aside that I wasn't really trying, of course. Still, I got nothing but sex and a year of will they/won't they stuff out of him, and Annie got all the other good stuff….and now she's actually going to get him after all. As much as I really don't want Jeff, I should be jealous at Annie for getting him, and resent her for actually fixing the s.o.b when I got nowhere.

But that growing smile on Jeff's face….God, it is like an Annie smile. I can't be mad at either of them when they get like that. I can't be mad at Annie, because when I'm not mad at her, I really want her to be happy. And seeing the way Jeff looks, now that he's not in denial anymore….I actually think for the first time that he could make her that happy.

I mean…..if Annie could somehow make me care about her and understand her despite all the reasons I have to resent her…..is it really that hard to believe Jeff could feel the same? I mean, this is Jeff…..but then again, if I could find my soft spot for her today and want to help her from now on….but this is Jeff! This is….the guy who's lived with his soft spot for her for two years….and maybe I just made him realize that he does want it to be more. And if I feel guilty enough about hating her today….how he is going to make up for disappointing her all these years? If he applies himself right, which he only seems to want to do for her….it could really result in a Jeff Winger that Annie deserves.

If Annie could inspire him like that, he really could try to make it work….and she really could keep Jeff from being more of an ass than usual. She could understand him, not let him off the hook, and work together with him to get through anything…..and that's just the sort of relationship she's earned. As her friend, I really want that for her….and I think I just helped her get it.

Oh God….I actually helped Jeff get through his Annie denial without even knowing it. I hated Annie hours ago, and now I just helped her finally get Jeff. And as Jeff finally looks at me with that goofy smile, and we notice each other's goofy Annie inspired smiles – it actually hits us that we've been blindsided by her again. And she isn't even here to take credit or know what the hell she's made us do.

"Aw, damnit," we both say at the same time as we resign ourselves to what we have to do now – no matter how much it goes against our usual deal. "Well, guess I have a Winger speech/confession to put together," Jeff says after sighing in defeat.

"Yep, and I guess I'm staying to edit that speech down too," I grudgingly admit. Before Jeff can object, I point out "Hey, just because you're not in denial anymore, it doesn't mean you're magically going to say the right thing off the bat! That only happens in Abed's bad movies, and we don't want her to be in one of those, do we? So as her friend, I'm not letting you go out there until this Winger speech is perfect!"

"Okay, fine, fine!" Jeff finally concedes. "I'll go rehearse my first draft in the bathroom until I'm ready for your review. You want anything before then?"

"No, you go ahead. I'll pass the time planning how to stop Shirley from doing exorcisms on you two before your first date. And I should get a head start on plans for crushing your skull if you do hurt Annie." Yeah, that should wash all the sap and sentiment out of my brain so it can get cool again. But of course, Jeff doesn't go into the bathroom to rehearse and give me privacy, so I guess he really isn't magically perfect yet.

"Britta, look….you and I….I mean, even with that and you're still….damnit, if I can't say this stuff to you, how am I gonna do it with her?" Normally it would be fun to see Jeff squirm like this; and I'm sure I'll have some great stuff after he confesses and I can mock him without mercy again. But since he's trying to say something to me, I guess I have to stay quiet.

"Look, I still don't know if Annie's right to look up to me so much, even if I want to….test it a bit more. But I know she's right to look up to you. I mean, I wouldn't have met her or any of the others if it wasn't for you…..leaving aside the motives for it. And I….I never would gotten close to being good enough for Annie if it wasn't for you in that first year. Even after….how we turned out and even after you hated Annie this afternoon, you helped the both of us and you didn't Britta it! I just….I couldn't have done…whatever I'm about to do without you….and she's right not to think you're the worst too. So thank you….really."

For all the sappy stuff I'd said in the last several minutes, it was still weird to hear that from Jeff. But I guess I'll have to get used to that once….either Jannie or Anneff become a thing. Still, I can needle him a little bit before then. "Hey, as flattering as that is, it won't buy a positive review for your speech. Just so you get that straight," I jokingly/seriously warned him.

"Yeah, I figured that wouldn't work. Worth a shot, though," Jeff answered, although I knew at least 30 percent of him was kidding. "I'm going to need you to be like that, though. You're right, I'm not magically going to figure out how to be the right….partner for Annie. I'm still probably going to say the wrong things and make her upset….only there's the chance for makeup sex after I apologize." Thankfully for his sake, he went on before I could kick his shin and start to rethink my support after that 'joke.' "But when she's not enough to reel me in back in, I could use your help to keep me in check. Other than Annie, you're the only one I trust to do that."

Okay, so that earned him a reprieve from the shin kicking. "Well…I was already planning to help keep Annie in check so she doesn't drive you too crazy. I guess I'll have to be your relationship training wheels too. But you two are _both _adults, so you'll have to drive on your own eventually, okay?"

"Fine, you're just lucky I hate having relationship helmet hair," Jeff lamely tried to joke back, but at least there were no stupid sex lines this time. Hopefully I won't have to edit too many more of those. "Seriously one last time, though….I won't forget to owe you big for this. And now that Annie might be….more than my best friend, I guess that leaves you to take her place."

"Well, let's see if you say that after I nitpick your speeches for the next three hours. I'm guessing even Pierce will jump ahead of me after that," I remind him.

"In that case, I _really _should get started right away. Good to know." And now that we're promising to argue and belittle each other again soon, all is right with the world as he goes to put one of his "gems" together. Well, we'll just see how gemmy it is, won't we?

Before I get myself ready to lay into Jeff again, I have to reflect yet again at how Annie got to me. I hate her hours ago, and now I'm helping Jeff finally confess to her? Well, something's very clear now….I will never doubt how much of a kickass awesome female-American I am ever again. Annie had damn well better remember that before she picks out her wedding dress in a few days. And I'd say that owes her a few trips to protest rallies with me; ones where she doesn't let her boobs overshadow the cause this time.

Hopefully that's another benefit to how this was the most complete screw up of my life. I thought I failed miserably enough at hating Annie this afternoon, and now look how I topped that tonight. But I never apologized for "Britta'ing" since I was clearly in the right in….at least 88 percent of those incidents.

And now that I think about what this is going to do for my two annoying, pain in the ass best friends I've ever had…..I don't think I need to apologize for this one either. I might feel a little sorry for myself when Annie gets too perky to handle after Jeff comes clean. But I guess it's my job now to keep her from getting too out of control if she can't do it herself. Such is the cross to bear of a best female friend…..I can see the upside to it. Eventually.

At least I'll get to shock the holy spirit out of Shirley when I approve of Jeff and Annie. And I can really go to town on Jeff's skull if he lets Annie down after all. Yeah, I really should pass the time dreaming that up before he comes back with that first draft of his.

Oooh, now that fantasy's gotta be too gruesome for you to stick around and watch anymore! If not, how about this one? Yeah, off you go, imaginary fascists!


	3. The Best

**Last bonus chapter – for real this time**

**Britta's POV**

What the hell, you're back here again? I thought I was done talking to you people two stories ago! You really don't have any better use of your illegal spy power than this? Well, I guess if I'm distracting you from invading other people's privacy, I guess that makes me a hero, so thanks.

But I'm starting to guess you're not here for me. You've probably stopped caring about me and just want to know how Jeff and Annie turned out. Makes all the sense in the world for that history to repeat again….no, no, I'm over that. I'm entitled to relapses now and again, though – and no, relapse is not code for PMS, sexists.

You're just lucky that I actually do have something good to tell you.

I left out the last two times that my little showdowns with Annie and Jeff took place on a Thursday. I spent the rest of Thursday night with Jeff working out his confession speech to Annie, which only took five rewrites and three hours to get finished. But I didn't see Jeff recite the final draft to Annie on Friday, and she would have been jumping 10 feet high in the study room if he did tell her in school. If he did, she would have disappeared for hours at a time to have closet sex or abandoned classroom sex; and I'd rather not imagine any more rooms for Jeff/Annie secret sex, thank you very much.

Anyway, since nothing seemed to happen on Friday, I expected either Jeff or Annie to update me over the weekend. That didn't happen either, so I figured that Jeff had chickened out yet again after all. I would have gone over on Sunday afternoon to lay into him for wasting my hard work. But I needed to calm down a bit first, so I went into my supply of….calming down medicine. By the time I lit up my third "pill" I forgot what I was angry about, and by the time I remembered that night I was too tired to care.

Fortunately I slept it off and had enough energy to get up on Monday morning. By then, I just hoped I didn't show any signs of being….influenced yesterday. So I went to the study room and took my seat, not paying anyone any special attention. The room still looked normal and Pierce didn't sound like a three headed goat, so I was clearly pretty clean now.

But I was too busy being proud of myself to see Jeff and Annie get up and face the group, until Jeff started speaking.

"Guys? Before we start today, and whatever our next adventure that sounds like an old movie is….there's something we need to say. You see, during this past weekend….there were certain things me and Annie accomplished, and so…."

"We're dating!" Annie jumped up and squealed next to him. Behind me, I could hear Abed ask "Already?" without a trace of sarcasm. But I was just focused on Jeff and Annie, feeling a whole bunch of emotions now that it seemed they were really together now. The jealous and resentful ones were among them, even though they were on life support after this past week.

But they weren't able to make a full-fledged comeback once my happy emotions kicked in – and then my prideful ones for being the one to get them together kicked all of their asses.

"Ha! And you said a fifth rewrite wasn't necessary!" I said as I got up and lightly hit Jeff's shoulder. "I told you those extra sentences would finish the job! Who's more pathological than Annie now?"

"Hey!" I heard Annie object, but I was too busy waiting for Jeff to bow down to my editing genius. And then he went and said "Actually….I didn't give the speech."

"What? Don't tell me you used the third draft instead! We went over and over why that wouldn't work, you jag!"

"I didn't use any drafts, so now who's the jag?" Jeff shot back, which just made me more confused and resentful. "Um….it still sounds like you at the moment!"

"Britta, I can explain. He got through half his speech after school on Friday, but he kept stumbling over the rest. Then he….he just spoke off script and from the heart, and it was the greatest thing ever! Better than any Winger speech or any confession I ever imagined, that's for sure!" Annie explained. And despite her lovey-dovey smile and Jeff actually looking bashful and sappy himself, I was still pretty pissed.

"Wait, so I spent three hours going through confessions with you, and you went improv anyway? Is that why you didn't call me and give me an update? Or were you too busy releasing sexual tension that I made you ready to release?" I probably made that come out wrong in about a dozen ways. Yet I was more worried about a lack of answers from "Jannie" at the moment.

"Um, are we gonna get to talk soon?" Shirley asks/demands, letting me know that the rest of the group is still there and watching. "No, we'll get to you later!" I let Shirley know before turning back to the new couple.

"Britta, if you and everyone else really need to know, we didn't have sex," Jeff blurts out as I look skeptical and Annie looks embarrassed. "We had some intense making out after my improvised speech, but that was it. Once we snapped out of it and realized we still had some things to work out, we decided to go on an actual date on Saturday and test….us out. Since going out on a limb on my own worked, I figured I'd try it again before crawling back to you for help. But I didn't need it after all."

"No wait, that makes no sense!" Troy now butted in for some reason. "Annie couldn't have gone out with you on Saturday, because she went to the library to study! She even got dressed up because it was fancy study night in the library!"

"Actually, that might have been….inaccurate," Annie said quietly. "I wanted to keep the date a secret in case it didn't work, so….I might have made up fancy study night in the library."

"What? There's no fancy study night? How else is my life a massive lie?" Troy started to freak out, but I still had dibs on doing that. "Okay, you went on a date without me prepping Jeff….and?" I asked even though I should have already known that it went well.

"It went well. It went more than well, really," Annie admired. "We talked out the rest of our issues, he told me how you helped break through his denial, we made out some more, we realized the experiment worked, then we decided it was safe to tell you guys today! But I really couldn't wait to tell you, since you finally made it all possible!" she squealed before jumping up again and hugging me. Now this was bordering on uncomfortable, and Jeff still owed me for throwing away all my good lines….but at least they were still giving me full credit. Oh, and at least they were together now, of course.

"Okay, we can talk _now_, then?" Shirley asked again, as if she wasn't asking just for her to talk now. But we had to get this out of the way at some point, so we kept quiet and let her have her sermon.

"First of all, I've been dreading this day for a while now, so at least I'm not totally unprepared. I feared this stuff from them at some point, but you, Britta?" And with that, Shirley made this yet another excuse to jump on me. "I always thought you'd be on my side when they ruined their lives, not helping them seal their date with Satan! I even thought that us working together would help you see the light on your own….date making with Satan! I was going to kill three demons with one stone, so what gives with you making the other two stronger?"

"Okay, first of all, I wasn't trying to get them together at first! And he ignored all my work in getting all the Winger out of his confession, just to 'speak from the heart'! So don't make me the biggest demon here!" I argued to get Shirley off my back and to let Jeff know he wasn't off the hook with me yet.

"So you admit Jeff's the bigger demon, and you still trust him not to corrupt our little Annie? Even more, I mean?" Shirley said in her condescending mommy tone. Still, it got me on a pretty big roll, so I'll give it credit for that much.

"Of course I don't completely trust Jeff, especially now! But I trust Annie, and so should you. I think she's earned that by now, and if she hasn't been 'corrupted' by Jeff already, kissing and sex won't do the job either. She already keeps Jeff in line, so just think how much better she'll be at it now! That can't be a bad thing," I nail Shirley on.

"And what happens when he's not in line and Annie's a crying wreck because of it?" Shirley's question probably would have had a withering response from Jeff and Annie – if I didn't beat them to it.

"You know what? After all this time waiting, I'm pretty sure Annie's well prepared for the worst, because….well, she's Annie. She isn't fragile enough to be totally destroyed by Jeff being a douche anymore….and if she is, it doesn't matter. Because she has us. She has me and you to pick her up and plan revenge on Jeff, she has Troy and Abed to make her laugh and have fun again eventually, and Pierce will even chip in some humanity because she's his favorite! Between our friendship with her and her growth as a woman, I think she can handle whatever Jeff does to her heart now," I argue to crush Shirley's argument.

"As much as I love how you've all made me crush Annie's heart already, I'd like to tag out Britta now," Jeff insists. It's only because he stopped Shirley from tearing into my brilliant speech that I let him upstage me….not that I couldn't have taken Shirley down if he didn't.

"Shirley, I've had time to prepare for how you were going to object to me and Annie too. In fact, I had all day Sunday to figure out a way around it. But I finally came up with this." Jeff then opened one of his school books, which couldn't have been weirder from him even on a normal day. However, it got a little more normal when he took out a two page document from inside.

"This is a contract stating that if I hurt Annie, you, Shirley, have the legal right to torture me by taking me to church. Yes, I, a committed agnostic, will subject myself to every sermon, guilt trip on behalf of Jesus, and church bake sale that you have. Legally, I can't get out of it until Annie forgives me, takes me back or moves on from me."

"For the legal record, I still think this isn't necessary," Annie chipped in. Unfortunately, this let Shirley get right back on her feet. "Ah ha, you're dismissing her and neglecting her desires already, Jeffrey! That means you hurt her and violated this contract already! Thank Jesus you did it before you violated A-"

"I may even go to church right now if you don't finish that sentence. Let me finish mine and I'll think about it some more, okay?" I was pretty relieved that Jeff stopped that sentence myself. It helped me let him off the hook a few hours earlier for dumping my speeches, at least.

"Now then, there's still room to negotiate on how exactly this kicks in. We can settle that after school, but we have to finish by 7:30. That's when I've booked us to go to City Hall and get the final draft notarized. Then it will be legal and all those punishments kick in if I mess up. Technically, I can mess up now and legally get away with it, but I won't as a good faith payment.

I really hoped that using faith in that context wouldn't set Shirley off again, yet I didn't have faith myself. And I could say that because I just did it in my brain; even if Jesus was real, I'm sure he was reading other people's minds at that moment and couldn't tattle on me to Shirley. But if he did at that point, Shirley actually ignored him for once.

"Jeffrey, leaving aside you using faith wrong, how do I know this is on the level? You could just hurt Annie and make her keep quiet to get out of this deal! Or you could only be with Annie just to avoid Jesus, not because you actually love her!"

"Well, I'm not and I do, and I will be this miserable if I do mess this up! I'm not making mistakes like that with her again….at least not that badly. Best case scenario, this works out and I'm not violating the law by skipping church. Worst case scenario, you guys help Annie bounce back like Britta said, and I become enough of a wreck that Shirley has a shot at converting me. Can you really pass up either scenario, Shirley?" Well played, Winger….that sure shaved another few hours off me hating him.

"I, well….but you and her….oh, but then I get to….no, it's not worth it…..oh hell yes, it is!" Shirley finally gave in. "I knew Jesus would get you at some point, Winger! It barely matters whether it's from this document or you marrying Annie, the point is you'll finally be at church to see the light!"

I almost gave Shirley a well played as well when I saw both Jeff and Annie stammer and cough after she said the "m" word. Maybe I would have if Pierce didn't have to speak up then too.

"So that's it, both Brittles and Shirley are on board? There aren't gonna be any fights or slaps or anything that threatens the group over this? What an anti climax! I've waited two years for this, and I demand drama and conflict to make it worth it! Or something else that makes Jeff the new gay scapegoat around here for a while!"

"First of all, thank you for saying the word climax without….never mind," Jeff barely catches himself before Pierce remembers to say unspeakable things. "Second, I am so sorry that the group is strong enough to handle me and Annie after all. Trust me, I spent two years imagining that punches and castration would be involved too. But after Britta helped me grow a pair and turned out to approve of it, it cleared my head and made the rest of our problems…..pretty easy for me to solve, really."

"Of course, so it's Britta's fault!" See what happens when Pierce speaks up? "Only you could have screwed something as juicy as this up into something as boring as that! I thought you were too much of the worst already, but I guess I was wrong."

"Hey!" I thought I yelled that at first, just as I had planned to. However, I soon realized that my "Hey!" usually sounds different than that – and then it didn't take me long to realize Annie yelled it instead. She even kept going and said "You do not get to call Britta the worst, Pierce."

"When did that happen? Did you pass that while your lack of fighting was boring me to sleep? Oh God, did I black out and get sent to the future? Wow….well, at least being out for five years kept me from actually seeing Britta age that badly."

"Pierce, I mean it!" Annie jumped in again before I could give Pierce a smack back to the past. It should be me acting that quick to defend me, since I don't need anyone to fight for me because I'm progressive and a real modern woman and all. But….I kind of wanted to see where Annie was going with this.

"Look, I'm not just saying this because Britta helped Jeff confess to me….even if he didn't use any of her lines." Okay, that almost made me far less curious for where Annie was going with this. Still, I gave her one last chance. "I'm saying this because she's my friend….I think we should all lay off her and stop calling her the worst just because she….cares too much. I care about things you don't like either, and you don't hate me for it, like you seem to hate her now! I just think we should show that we actually appreciate her more….and not just when she helps her friends get together, or when a mass murderer calls her the worst instead of us. You know she's better than that, okay?"

No one says anything, and if Annie's words weren't still ringing in my ears, I might have finally gotten to get mad at them. But Annie beats me to it again with a more forceful "Okay?" which makes them turn to Jeff. "Don't look at me, she called dibs on wearing the pants around here." Apparently that gives them the cue to mutter apologies at me; which isn't good enough but probably qualifies as a big step.

"All right….me and Jeff aren't tearing the group apart, and Britta's going to be cool again. If we've gotten all that straight, we can get back to studying now." And that was actually how it ended. It actually did sound pretty anticlimactic, considering the subject matter. But since Pierce robbed that argument of any credibility, and since Annie's word seemed to be law now, we just took our seats and went on with our normal study session. Well, Dean Pelton arrived in a groundhog costume and tricked us into finding a groundhog for the Groundhog's Day dance, but that was actually pretty normal.

Somehow, Annie was able to get alone time with me outside the study room before we started that….ordeal I won't even speak of.

"Oh, I can't believe we did it, Britta! I mean, I knew the group wouldn't stop me and Jeff, especially after this weekend and after you gave Jeff your blessing. But now that me and especially Jeff won't have to worry about….anyone's approval….it just feels like anything's possible, you know?"

"I'll take your word for it," was all I could say, since I really wasn't an expert on this sort of thing; no matter what Jeff said or didn't say about my help. Speaking of which, "What exactly did Jeff tell you I did when I visited him? I didn't come down there to tell him to confess to you, you know."

"I know. He cleared up at dinner that you told him about….our argument, and how you said that even though I annoy you, you still really like me. I think it helped him figure out it was okay to like me too, despite….certain obstacles. Since you weren't one of them anymore, it really helped him get take on the rest. So like I said, I do owe all of this to him _and _you!" Annie all but squealed.

"Yeah, I did get that… I can't take credit if it doesn't work in the end though," I reminded her, trying to get my cynical edge back at least once before Annie overwhelmed me again. "Listen, Jeff may be a bit more open now, but he's not going to be douche-free overnight. There are still things about you that are going to set him off, and vice versa."

"Yeah, Jeff already told me that he wanted you to keep him in check. And that you were going to help me tone things down too. But I don't think that'll be necessary….not that much. I know we've got some things to fix if this is going to work, but I think we can work on themselves ourselves, and together. I'd like to think I'm ready to stand on my two feet and be that mature and grown up, just like you said I am. Besides, you don't really want to spend all that time keeping us from being crazy, do you?"

"No….that wasn't sounding good to me even before now, actually," I admit. Time away from Jeff and Annie does help you remember why you don't need to be around them every minute. And that's probably going to be an understatement now that they're together. Still, the damn guilt they infect you with isn't so easy to wash away, so I add, "So….you're sure you don't need any more Jeff help?"

"Well….if he does make me upset, I might need someone to cry to. Or help me dream up revenge fantasies, whatever comes first."

"Ah, you're getting the hang of relationships already, Edison!" I have to compliment her. "I'll save up a few good ones, just in case the fear of church doesn't make Jeff behave."

"I don't really think he needs that to make him behave with me, but I get your point." Annie commented, before putting her lovesick face aside for her serious one. "Now, you're sure you'll be okay with this….me and him? I know after what you did, I probably shouldn't ask that….but that makes me want to be more sure you're okay. I won't make us make out in public or anything, if that helps."

"Annie, like you said, I already proved that I'm fine with it. Of course, I won't be if he is a sucky boyfriend after all. No one who tells Pierce off like that for me deserves a sucky boyfriend, that's for sure. Not that I wasn't ready to do it, or that I need my friend to keep doing it for me…." Thankfully I got myself back on track before I completely ruined the moment. "Anyway….maybe Jeff won't suck so bad at it. I mean, I almost missed him hinting that he loved you, but other than that…."

"Oh, I know, I almost missed it too!" On that one, Annie almost jumped up 10 feet in the air. "I would have…..gotten closer to him right then and there if he didn't have to finish Shirley off!" And that is an example of Annie Edison in horny mode, for all you perverts who were wondering.

"All right, I don't think we can top that, so let's be on our way," I said to mercifully change the subject. Luckily Annie did that, albeit with the serious question, "Do you really think I'm ready for this? And that I can handle it if it's….messier than I imagined?"

"Annie, me and Jeff are the messiest people you'll ever meet, and you love us anyway. If you can do that, there's nothing you can't handle. Or at least nothing we don't have to bail you out of completely," I correct myself. With that, I was ready to go before it got even sappier; but Annie managed to top it anyway by hugging me again.

"I'll never be able to repay you for all this. You're the best, Britta."

I am happy that I'm not a girly-girl, and that I'm too tough and smart to be a sappy, co-dependent, way too emotional stereotype like Annie is sometimes. Remembering that is usually easy; doing it when someone you ranted against four days ago is calling you the best and thanking you for making her so happy…..it's kind of harder then. But I managed to keep my eyes dry and keep my arms from squeezing her like she was squeezing me. And I kept my voice steady when I said "Thank you, Annie…really. But, I mean, it's no big deal. I mean, that's what friends are supposed to do, right? Or so I've heard somewhere…."

Annie released me and took my lack of outward emotion with a laugh; seeing that I really wasn't hiding it that well. Years of seeing that in Jeff probably gave her those superpowers. Now he'd never be able to get away from it; and I can honestly say that he deserved whatever he got from that. No matter which way it turned out.

Eventually we made our way off to find the others, with Annie asking along the way, "So….five rewrites, huh? Do you think I could hear those rejected speeches sometime? I only heard the first half of the last one and I've been too busy with Jeff to ask about the rest, so…."

"Actually….it was a long night, so I was too tired to remember most of them. But some things are rejected for a reason, right?" Well, that was a better explanation than forgetting them all after taking….my medication.

Speaking of which, I was just about to take a lot of it to forget the Groundhog Day….debacle, at least before you came back. So I hope I beat everything even deeper into the ground already for you. I can't stand Annie, I love Annie anyway, I understand how Jeff feels about her, I helped him get his act straight, I supported my friends getting together, I'm okay with being the worst because Annie doesn't see me that way, blah blah blah.

You got the gist after the first part, so two more should have really drilled it into you. So now that these extra parts got you your Jannie fix, I can have my privacy back. At least your spying gave me another reason not to mind being in Jeff and Annie's shadows anymore.

If you're going to look into my buddies now, take it easy on them, okay? And if you….happen to peek in when they're finally having a….very private moment…..please bug Abed or Shirley about it instead of me next time, deal?


End file.
